May 22, 2008
His Noodly Goodness
"I’d really rather you didn’t act like a sanctimonious holier-than-thou ass when describing my noodly goodness. If some people don’t believe in me, that’s okay. Really, I'm not that vain. Besides, this isn’t about them so don’t change the subject. "
- from the Wikipedia entry on The Gospel of the Flying Spaghetti Monster
Posted by Michael at 12:03 PM | Comments (0)
February 08, 2008
Mommy?
Posted by Michael at 09:53 AM | Comments (0)
January 31, 2007
Sloppy Kronkite
YouTube - Clusterf@#k to the White House/Spotlight on Barack Obama
New definition: "A sloppy Kronkite is when two people try to get each other off, and the first one to finish says 'and that was the way it was'"
Posted by Michael at 04:54 PM | Comments (0)
January 03, 2007
Fuck is the new God
Gotta like Osho, he really makes sense...
http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=1304943344880600567&q=osho
Posted by Michael at 04:06 PM | Comments (0)
November 15, 2004
Virtual Bartender
You can visit virtual bartender for a bit of fun.
Words that work include:
angry
arms, flex
ass, butt, bum, tattoo, show, bottom
banana
beer
belly, rub
bend
bottle
box
cartwheel, gymnastics
change, be a pimp
cowgirl
dance
dance on bar
dog
drink beer
excercise, pushups
fight, jedi
fire, light
flash
french
give me your number
guitar
gun
hair
handstand
hat
headbang
hi, hello, wave, hey
hummer
jiggle, shake, wiggle
jump, bounce
kick, knees
kiss me
kiss, lips, pucker
kung fu, karate
laugh, giggle
lesbian + lots of other naughty words
lick
lie on the bar
light
lollipop
magic
man
model
muscle
orgasm, love
party, macarena
phone, call
pillow
pitcher
playboy, magazine, read
pole dance
pour on yourself, shower, wet
pour, beer
pout
remove shoes
robot
rock
rotate
shoe, toes
show me something, can
sing
sleep, nap
spin
splits, spread
squeeze, boobs, breasts, tits, bra, push
stretch
strip, shorts, pants, naked
suck, lick
surf
talk, chat, write
tap
think
tickle
tie shoes
toes, shoes
tongue
top
write me a letter
Posted by Michael at 03:27 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
November 02, 2004
Uni!
Mmmmm, sushi.
Posted by Michael at 08:54 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
September 07, 2004
In a manner of speaking
"We must look to the future, look over the horizon, think out of the box, raise our game and set about what the parliament is really for."
I wish I was surprised that there are really people who talk like this.
-- from The Guardian
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August 23, 2004
MTTSF
Mean Time To Story Failure
-- from Dilbert Comic Strip Archive
Posted by Michael at 09:31 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
July 29, 2004
Translate This
Should it be a concern that this internation translation service avows that they are a "Global Network of Experimented Professionals"?
Posted by Michael at 02:28 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
Be Prepared
Posted by Michael at 10:37 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
July 28, 2004
Eenie Meanie
Remember all those great schoolyard songs you knew as a kid? Someone in the office just asked me how the eanie-meanie rhyme goes, and I found this charming site.
Posted by Michael at 01:17 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
June 17, 2004
Wedded Bliss
"like a shoal of Argument Fish being followed by a Truth Shark"
Goooood.... from Things my girlfriend and I have argued about
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May 03, 2004
Which god are you?
According to Quizilla, I am 
Morpheus...
Which Of The Greek Gods Are You
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April 19, 2004
800 Error: Too Lazy
Posted by Michael at 04:46 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
Amber waves of grain
"I ride your buttocks, like they were amber waves of grains. "
I love the web.
From heh via del.icio.us
Posted by Michael at 04:35 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
April 13, 2004
FBI senior management
I have no idea how the editors at the Times got away with this juxtaposition, but well done to them. This is not a mock-up, really. The photo is from a report on a long-term study of a baboon tribe.
Posted by Michael at 10:02 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
April 01, 2004
Metaphorically speaking
The dangers of sharing utensils?
"I understand to each his own, but if that's your cup of tea, then you drink it. You don't offer it around."
-- flint news, via obscurestore
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March 29, 2004
Brand names
Ha, ow, I'm hurting myself laughing here...
"First Union is a good name for a bank but a bad name for a Boy Scout camp."
(Michael Fribush, Burtonsville)
-- from The Style Invitational (washingtonpost.com)
Posted by Michael at 04:10 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
March 17, 2004
Nailed
OK, so just how dumb do you have to be if you're half way through crucifying yourself before you realize you don't have a free hand to put in the second nail?
'No crime' seen in man nailing himself to cross
Posted by Michael at 10:38 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
March 15, 2004
Holy Flaming Toilets, Batman!
LEGAL ADVISORY -- Dr. Gerba is a trained bathroom scientist. As a layperson, you must NEVER EVER set your toilet on fire, EVER. Also be advised that it looks much cooler with the lights out.
-- from Dave Barry at the Miami Herald
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February 06, 2004
MS Office hidden settings
Dunno who to credit, but nice work...
Posted by Michael at 01:54 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
January 15, 2004
A fine, shiny mess
Want to do something fun? Got 5 days and a dozen friends who have the same desire? Try "HOW TO WRAP YOUR FRIEND'S APARTMENT IN TIN FOIL: A LOVE STORY."...
Posted by Michael at 10:05 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
December 10, 2003
Style
Keep your chin up -- the water's rising. (John Held, Fairfax)
A particularly good entry this week in The Style Invitational (washingtonpost.com).
Posted by Michael at 09:44 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
November 27, 2003
Motivation
Cool! I've had a set of satirical motivational images for years, now I finally know where they came from -- and there are lots more! I found a reference to the despair site via The Style Invitational (washingtonpost.com).
Posted by Michael at 10:14 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
September 19, 2003
Pick-up lines in DC
What a coincidence -- you have a cute bellybutton, and I work at the Naval Observatory.
-- (Stephen Dudzik, Olney)
... from The Style Invitational (washingtonpost.com)
Posted by Michael at 10:49 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
September 02, 2003
What is blogging?
The Devil's Dictionary (2.0): blog
Posted by Michael at 05:10 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
July 30, 2003
Reinvent The Wheel Day!
The wheel we have right now sucks. Reinvent it, goddammit, and this time give it the capacity to love. It's 2003!
Happy Reinvent The Wheel Day!
- from GIRLS ARE PRETTY
Posted by Michael at 03:26 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
July 04, 2003
Search routing
Have a look at which search terms have lead folks to the west virginia surf report site...
Posted by Michael at 02:36 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
June 25, 2003
Got beef?
The Onion | Burundi Beef Council: 'Please Send Beef'
Posted by Michael at 03:14 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
June 06, 2003
Damn the ants! Damn the ants to hell!
Posted by Michael at 02:15 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
Wandering
One of the more fun mystery links I've played with is here. From the bitter films folks who brought you "Ah L'Amour".
Posted by Michael at 02:07 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
May 26, 2003
G8: Urban War
For those of you who can't make it to the demonstrations in person...
"It's the year 2001 and the 8 biggest people of the world have decided to take a summit in Genova, a big city in the north of Italy. Many demonstrators comes here to fight against capitalism. But thousands police agents are going to secure the streets. Genova are divided in two sides. One of these is called Zona Rossa and only people with pass could enter there."
Posted by Michael at 10:49 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
May 15, 2003
Dessert
FILLING
1/2 c. butter or margarine
1 c. confectioners' sugar
1 c. Marshmallow Fluff (about 1/2 of a 7 1/2-oz. jar)
1 tsp. vanilla
Full recipe at Marshmallow Fluff, via misterpants
Posted by Michael at 01:13 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
May 09, 2003
SARS - the silver lining
There's a good side to the SARS effect -- it keeps folks away.
Posted by Michael at 01:47 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
May 02, 2003
You thick fuck
booty@beholdereye.of
If you are reading this sentence about my latest work of art - a theoretical piece which may or not exist, costs £15,000 and is prohibited from exhibition by a complex legal document which may or may not be the actual work of art itself - you owe me a tenner for invasion of privacy, you thick fuck.
-- via tw@
Posted by Michael at 10:08 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
Wean Yourself
Brains being dissolved under the terrible influence of synthetic lactic fluids?
There's help.
-- via an old MisterPants
Posted by Michael at 09:46 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
April 23, 2003
Tortured Ugandan Political Prisoner Wishes Uganda Had Oil
KAMPALA, UGANDA -- A day after having his hands amputated by soldiers backing President Yoweri Museveni's brutal regime, Ugandan political prisoner Otobo Ankole expressed regret Monday over Uganda's lack of oil reserves. "I dream of the U.S. one day fighting for the liberation of the oppressed Ugandan people," said Ankole as he nursed his bloody stumps. "But, alas, our number-one natural resource is sugar cane." Ankole, whose wife, parents, and five children were among the 4,000 slaughtered in Uganda's ethnic killings of 2002, then bowed his head and said a prayer for petroleum.
-- The Onion | America's Finest News Source
Posted by Michael at 11:13 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
bowling
"It's pretty nice to get out there and bowl once in a while. I can't think of another sport that encourages you to drink like that."
-- The Onion | That Rob's Got Some Seriously Strong Shit
Posted by Michael at 11:09 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
April 22, 2003
Tent Caterpillars
"Hold the strainer up and let it drip out to get the full army worm flavor," he advised anyone planning to replicate his wine.
Read more...
-- via Dave Barry
Posted by Michael at 10:55 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
April 14, 2003
Compact Collectors...
Shopping for a friend? You should really consider picking up this fine little collection.
Posted by Michael at 06:12 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
April 10, 2003
Why did the chicken cross the road?
Why did the chicken cross the road? To get the answer to this age-old
perplexing question, we have asked a number of world leaders and here
are their answers:
GEORGE W. BUSH
We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to
know if
the chicken is on our side of the road or not. The chicken is either with
us or
it is against us. There is no middle-of-the road here.
AL GORE
I invented the chicken. I invented the road. Therefore, the chicken
crossing the
road represented the application of these two different functions of
government
in a new, reinvented way designed to bring greater services to the
American
people.
COLIN POWELL
Now at the left of the screen, you clearly see the satellite image of the
chicken crossing the road.
JEAN CHRETIEN
Da chicken, she is strapped to da deck of de HMCS Iroquois...
HANZ BLIX
We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we have not yet been
allowed
access to the other side of the road.
MOHAMMED ALDOURI (Iraq ambassador)
The chicken did not cross the road. This is a complete fabrication. We
don't
even have a chicken.
SADDAM HUSSEIN
This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were quite justified in
dropping
50 tons of nerve gas on it.
RALPH NADER
The chicken's habitat on the original side of the road had been polluted
by
unchecked industrialist greed. The chicken did not reach the unspoiled
habitat on the other side of the road because it was crushed by the
wheels of a
gas-guzzling SUV.
PAT BUCHANAN
To steal a job from a decent, hard-working American.
RUSH LIMBAUGH
I don't know why the chicken crossed the road, but I'll bet it was
getting a
government grant to cross the road, and I'll bet someone out there is
already forming a support group to help chickens with crossing-the-road
syndrome. Can you believe this? How much more of this can real
Americans take? Chickens crossing the road paid for by their tax dollars,
and
when I say tax dollars, I'm talking about your money, money the
government
took from you to build roads for chickens to cross.
MARTHA STEWART
No one called to warn me which way that chicken was going. I had a
standing
order at the farmer's market to sell my eggs when the price dropped to
a certain level. No little bird gave me any insider information.
JERRY FALWELL
Because the chicken was gay! Isn't it obvious? Can't you people see the
plain
truth in front of your face? The chicken was going to the "other side."
That's
what they call it -- the other side. Yes, my friends, that chicken is
gay. And,
if you eat that chicken, you will become gay too. I say we boycott all
chickens
until we sort out this abomination that the liberal media whitewashes
with
seemingly harmless phrases like "the other side."
DR. SEUSS
Did the chicken cross the road?
Did he cross it with a toad?
Yes, the chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed, I've not been
told!
ERNEST HEMINGWAY
To die. In the rain. Alone.
MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR.
I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads without
having
their motives called into question.
GRANDPA
In my day, we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Someone told
us that
the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough for us.
BARBARA WALTERS
Isn't that interesting? In a few moments we will be listening to the
chicken
tell, for the first time, the heart-warming story of how it experienced a
serious case of molting and went on to accomplish its life-long dream of
crossing the road.
JOHN LENNON
Imagine all the chickens crossing roads in peace.
ARISTOTLE
It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.
KARL MARX
It was an historical inevitability.
VOLTAIRE
I may not agree with what the chicken did, but I will defend to the death
its
right to do it.
RONALD REAGAN
What chicken?
CAPTAIN KIRK
To boldly go where no chicken has gone before.
FOX MULDER
You saw it cross the road with your own eyes! How many more chickens have
to
cross before you believe it?
SIGMUND FREUD
The fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken crossed the road
reveals
your underlying sexual insecurity.
BILL GATES
I have just released eChicken 2003, which will not only cross roads, but
will
lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your
checkbook - and Internet Explorer is an inextricable part of eChicken.
ALBERT EINSTEIN
Did the chicken really cross the road or did the road move beneath the
chicken?
BILL CLINTON
I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What do you mean by chicken?
Could
you define chicken, please?
THE BIBLE
And God came down from the heavens, and He said unto the chicken, "Thou
shalt
cross the road." And the chicken crossed the road, and there was
much rejoicing.
COLONEL SANDERS
I missed one?
Posted by Michael at 06:30 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
April 09, 2003
PhotoShop Rocks
From Worth 1000 -- PhotoShopping contest.
Posted by Michael at 10:44 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
Democratic Iraq
Posted by Michael at 10:20 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
April 08, 2003
Wall Street
LATEST HEADLINES . . . . . . . . . . . . Poll: most view war as immoral but necessary . . . . . . Troops advance on positive news from Wall Street . . . . . . Ironic Times - April 7, 2003
Posted by Michael at 01:10 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
March 31, 2003
Religion
-- from cartoons drawn on the back of business cards
Posted by Michael at 11:23 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
March 26, 2003
Chairs
Once again, via misterpants -- a chair.
"Check out our girthy wood."
Posted by Michael at 06:41 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
Cozy
Also from misterpants: vibrator cozies
Posted by Michael at 06:38 PM | TrackBack
Puppets
From misterpants
Puppets. Available $7.00 shipped, $12 for 2, -$1 for squirting (there's a mime!)
Posted by Michael at 06:11 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
Vital Info On Iraqi Chemical Weapons Provided
As usual, The Onion gets it right...
Vital Info On Iraqi Chemical Weapons Provided
By U.S. Company That Made Them
BALTIMORE—The Pentagon has obtained vital information on Iraqi chemical weapons from Alcolac International, the Baltimore-based company that sold them to the Mideast nation in the '80s. "It's terrifying what Iraq has," Pentagon spokesman James Reese said Monday. "Saddam possesses massive stockpiles of everything from ethylene to thiodiglycol, according to sales records provided by Alcolac." The Pentagon has also been collecting key intelligence on Iraqi nuclear weapons and guidance systems from Honeywell, Unisys, and other former U.S. suppliers to Iraq.
Posted by Michael at 02:00 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
March 24, 2003
Baghdad Weather
To keep you up to date -- WEATHER FORECAST Baghdad via martian.fm
Posted by Michael at 03:46 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
March 18, 2003
Vinispeak
As always, Dean gets it right in his latest, a selection of wine tasting notes.
Posted by Michael at 12:22 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
February 21, 2003
Inexplicable objects
From thoughtviper: INEXPLICABLE OBJECTS OF PREVIOUS WEEKS. Liking the dates.
(via mister pants)
Posted by Michael at 04:34 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
February 19, 2003
Best search engine...
Finally, a useful portal-slash-search engine...
Posted by Michael at 02:56 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
February 14, 2003
An excellent plan...
What to do if you run your own radio station...
Posted by Michael at 04:08 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
February 13, 2003
Canadian Fashion
In the market for some fine fashion accessories? (via misterpants.com)
Posted by Michael at 04:39 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
January 15, 2003
Sign of the times
Posted by Michael at 05:07 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack
January 14, 2003
Mac takes Microsoft
"Apple Eyes Microsoft's Turf" - big deal. I've got a potato here, looking out the window at my lawn. And it's a King Edward.
Posted by Michael at 01:54 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
November 21, 2002
speak no evil
Make your own bush speech.
Posted by Michael at 11:26 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
October 09, 2002
August Strindberg
Leslie Harpold finds another gem... Strindberg & helium
Posted by Michael at 01:54 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
September 30, 2002
The Marshall method...
Oh, yes. Via Leslie Harpold.
Posted by Michael at 07:52 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
September 27, 2002
Dewie the cyberturtle
Good to see the US Gov is doing such a great job.
-- via ditherati.net
Posted by Michael at 09:09 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
September 18, 2002
what the US is doing about tobacco
Dave Barry nails it again in a discussion about US policies The Miami Herald | 09/15/2002 | In War On Tobacco, money goes up in smoke
Posted by Michael at 10:22 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack