Accidental Attractions

GEORGE W. BUSH
We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to
know if
the chicken is on our side of the road or not. The chicken is either with
us or
it is against us. There is no middle-of-the road here.

AL GORE
I invented the chicken. I invented the road. Therefore, the chicken
crossing the
road represented the application of these two different functions of
government
in a new, reinvented way designed to bring greater services to the
American
people.

COLIN POWELL
Now at the left of the screen, you clearly see the satellite image of the
chicken crossing the road.

JEAN CHRETIEN
Da chicken, she is strapped to da deck of de HMCS Iroquois...

HANZ BLIX
We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we have not yet been
allowed
access to the other side of the road.

MOHAMMED ALDOURI (Iraq ambassador)
The chicken did not cross the road. This is a complete fabrication. We
don't
even have a chicken.

SADDAM HUSSEIN
This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were quite justified in
dropping
50 tons of nerve gas on it.

RALPH NADER
The chicken's habitat on the original side of the road had been polluted
by
unchecked industrialist greed. The chicken did not reach the unspoiled
habitat on the other side of the road because it was crushed by the
wheels of a
gas-guzzling SUV.

PAT BUCHANAN
To steal a job from a decent, hard-working American.

RUSH LIMBAUGH
I don't know why the chicken crossed the road, but I'll bet it was
getting a
government grant to cross the road, and I'll bet someone out there is
already forming a support group to help chickens with crossing-the-road
syndrome. Can you believe this? How much more of this can real
Americans take? Chickens crossing the road paid for by their tax dollars,
and
when I say tax dollars, I'm talking about your money, money the
government
took from you to build roads for chickens to cross.

MARTHA STEWART
No one called to warn me which way that chicken was going. I had a
standing
order at the farmer's market to sell my eggs when the price dropped to
a certain level. No little bird gave me any insider information.

JERRY FALWELL
Because the chicken was gay! Isn't it obvious? Can't you people see the
plain
truth in front of your face? The chicken was going to the "other side."
That's
what they call it -- the other side. Yes, my friends, that chicken is
gay. And,
if you eat that chicken, you will become gay too. I say we boycott all
chickens
until we sort out this abomination that the liberal media whitewashes
with
seemingly harmless phrases like "the other side."

DR. SEUSS
Did the chicken cross the road?
Did he cross it with a toad?
Yes, the chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed, I've not been
told!

ERNEST HEMINGWAY
To die. In the rain. Alone.

MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR.
I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads without
having
their motives called into question.

GRANDPA
In my day, we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Someone told
us that
the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough for us.

BARBARA WALTERS
Isn't that interesting? In a few moments we will be listening to the
chicken
tell, for the first time, the heart-warming story of how it experienced a
serious case of molting and went on to accomplish its life-long dream of
crossing the road.

JOHN LENNON
Imagine all the chickens crossing roads in peace.

ARISTOTLE
It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.

KARL MARX
It was an historical inevitability.

VOLTAIRE
I may not agree with what the chicken did, but I will defend to the death
its
right to do it.

RONALD REAGAN
What chicken?

CAPTAIN KIRK
To boldly go where no chicken has gone before.

FOX MULDER
You saw it cross the road with your own eyes! How many more chickens have
to
cross before you believe it?

SIGMUND FREUD

The fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken crossed the road
reveals
your underlying sexual insecurity.

BILL GATES
I have just released eChicken 2003, which will not only cross roads, but
will
lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your
checkbook - and Internet Explorer is an inextricable part of eChicken.

ALBERT EINSTEIN
Did the chicken really cross the road or did the road move beneath the
chicken?

BILL CLINTON
I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What do you mean by chicken?
Could
you define chicken, please?

THE BIBLE
And God came down from the heavens, and He said unto the chicken, "Thou
shalt
cross the road." And the chicken crossed the road, and there was
much rejoicing.

COLONEL SANDERS
I missed one?